I wonder if your life has lived up to your expectations?
A linear life with one life event following another in a nice neat order.
I’ve never felt that my life has followed a particularly linear path.
For years, I would describe it to people as having lived a “back to front life.”
It started when I was 16.
My Mum died unexpectedly and life suddenly changed overnight.
I found myself stepping up to help look after my Dad and younger brother, taking on responsibilities at an age when most people are beginning to discover who they are.
It wasn’t how life was supposed to be.
That experience shaped me in ways I didn’t fully understand or appreciate until much more recently.
So when this summer I discovered and read Bruce Feiler’s book Life is in the Transitions on the nonlinear nature of life, a lot of it resonated with me.
When people come to coaching, they are often dealing with what Feiler calls a “life quake” – a major, sometimes sudden disruption which has a lasting impact. It might be a career upheaval, a disappointment, burnout, retirement, or an awakening to a part of themselves they have kept buried.
These seismic shifts uproot the linear story we expected to live and can leave us feeling stuck, overwhelmed or unsure of who we are.
People come to coaching because they want a confidential space to make sense of what has changed, to reconnect with their values, regain clarity and confidence, and decide what they want their next chapter to look like.
Coaching helps them turn uncertainty into purposeful, manageable steps forward and gives them a sense of control.
A nonlinear life is nothing to explain or apologise for.
It is simply our story. What matters is not whether we followed the expected path, but what we learnt along the way.
And when a nonlinear life is cut short, as my Mum’s was, living each day fully feels even more important. I like to think that was the wisdom she gave to me.
To close, here are the five things I’ve learned about living a non-linear life:
1. Life rarely follows the plan.
We like to imagine a neat sequence of milestones. But real life is messy, unexpected and full of twists.
2. Sometimes we grow up before we’re ready.
Life can give us responsibilities we didn’t choose. Those experiences can shape our resilience, perspective and sense of responsibility if we allow it.
3. There is no “right” timeline.
I’ve often compared my journey with others and wondered whether I was doing things in the right order. I’ve learnt there is no universal order and no “right”
4. Our experiences become part of our story.
We can’t rewrite what happened, but we can decide how we understand it and what we learn and take forward from it.
5. The unexpected path can still lead somewhere meaningful.
Looking back, I can see that some of the experiences I would never have chosen have shaped the person I’ve become.
